Peeps, it’s an epidemic. I just read this super depressing book about privileged teens, and specifically, about a girl from an upper middle class family who had carved “empty” into her arm. The author noted that the word could just as easily have been carved into her mother’s arm.
Whoah, hold the phone.
Hopefully that’s not the space you’re in. (And if you are, ping me because I have a whole list of amazing resources for you.)
But you don’t have to be that far down in order to feel that kinda’ empty feeling, as if life is just passing you by.
I remember that feeling really, really well. I often used to feel like I was in a gray box. It wasn’t a super dark box; we had enough to eat, we weren’t struggling for daily sustenance, but I definitely wasn’t living in vibrant color.
I knew there was something outside of that box, but I just couldn’t quite reach it.
Somehow, following your dreams was for other people, and I just needed to be content with what I had.
I was listening to this little voice in my head that said:
- You don’t deserve to have more. You have more than you need.
- You can’t do work you love and make money.
- You aren’t pretty enough, smart enough, certified enough, or thin enough to help others.
- People will laugh at you.
Um, recognize any of those?
Whatever way we say it to ourselves, we’re saying: you’re not enough, just the way you are. You can’t figure out what you really want, because even if you do, you still won’t get it.
You’re waiting for something to change in your circumstances (your weight, your bank account, your hair color, your skin color…) in order to allow yourself to pursue that dream.
But I learned the tools to break through those fears and really practice and teach enoughness, and now, if I had to choose two words to define my life coaching practice, they would be:
Start Now.
Because one day, we’re going to wake up and realize that life has totally passed us by and that we haven’t done that important work that we were sent here to do.
One day, we’re going to realize that death is coming to us all.
I stumbled across this passage in my morning reading and it gave me chills.
Thus I can refuse to individuate, refuse to evolve – and wait. I lose myself in my children, my work, my religion, my cause, my homes and automobiles, my guru, while I wait for a miracle, wait for a rescuer, wait for the universe to take pity on me, wait for some unimaginable solution that will confirm my uniqueness and guarantee my immortality.
I tell myself I do not believe in death…
Meanwhile, the precious days of my life go by, unlived or incompletely lived, while I am telling myself, “What does the moment matter when I am here for eternity? I will tell my children I love them tomorrow; I will correct the problems between myself and my spouse some time in the future; I will begin my most important work next month or next year. Why hurry? Have I not all the time in the world?” (italics mine)
And when I finally do approach the end, when I can no longer evade my mortality, I cry out “Wait, it’s not fair! I’m not ready! I haven’t lived yet! When my life was happening, I wasn’t there!” – Nathaniel Branden, Honoring the Self
Did that scare you? It totally scared me.
Because it’s way too easy to exist in that gray box, way too easy not to do the important things in our lives, way too easy to not answer the call.
So how do we break out of the gray box?
How do we answer the call? How do we stop feeling empty?
While I totally recognize that that feeling of being empty is complex (and definitely more than can be covered in a single blog), here are the ways that I know to move out of that feeling:
By keeping our promises to ourselves.
By using any means necessary to really get in touch with our heart.
By taking action, even despite the fears. (Kinda’ counter-intuitive, but it works.)
By letting go of things that don’t matter and focusing on those that do.
Here are some questions to prompt you (and I worked through these myself just this morning and came up with some surprising and sobering answers…):
- One of the ways I keep myself from dying is…
- Where in my life have I been giving energy to things that no longer serve me?
- Am I confident that I am investing my time in the right things?
- Are my priorities aligned with my bigger mission?
Would love to hear of the surprising things that come out for you! And if this blog stirs up something for you, feel free to reach out and grab a free 30 minute Dream Definer call with me. You’ll get a very clear picture of your mission, as well as 2-3 strategies for moving forward and letting go of the empty feeling.
