If you’re like most Americans, your job is probably “fine”. It’s probably not your dream job, but it pays the bills.
It might even be better, except that there are so many annoying people at that job, driving you crazy! That one girl who always talks in meetings, trying to make herself seem important. A boss who keeps all of the good projects to himself. A coworker whose cologne is overpowering. A client who needs way more than you can give.
But if you were in a different career, if you could find that job that you’d get excited about telling people about, then you’d look forward to waking up to do each day. And if you could just find that one thing, then you’d be happy. Then all of those problems would disappear. You would find your happy place. Right?
Um, nope. Turns out, there are annoying people in any career field. And it turns out that there are always TPS reports, too, no matter what you do (even becoming your own boss means you’ll still have to do stuff you don’t enjoy.)
But what if you could be happy in the job that you’re already in? What if you could start to create the job you’ve always wanted, right where you are? What if you could be happier, even with the annoying people around you?
Changing jobs isn’t going to make you happy.
That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t seek out those elements of a career that make you jump for joy. You absolutely should. Or even that you shouldn’t quit your job and become an entrepreneur (Yes, it’s awesome.). But being happy in your job is about so much more than the actual tasks that you do.
So here’s the first secret: you have to be the one to change, not your job.
And if that kind of sounds like “bloom where you’re planted”, it is. I remember the first time I heard that sort of thing, fifteen years ago when I was miserable in my job, squandering what I saw as my brilliance and intelligence on a menial, no-responsibility and no-enjoyment type job, surrounded by people who didn’t appreciate my awesomeness.
All I could think when I heard that type of advice was: easy for you to say. But what if you’re planted in a dung heap? How are you supposed to be happy about that?
The key to happiness in your job, though, is realizing that it’s not them. It’s you.
What’s your major malfunction?
So let’s think about that most dreaded person at work. Really focus in on them for a second. Now think about all of the options that you have in order to make that person stop acting or speaking in the way that annoys you. You could:
- Quit your job tomorrow and never see them again
- Never plan another meeting with that person
- Get angry, frustrated, upset, and blame the other person every time that you think about them
- Have a sit-down conversation with the person and ask them to change their behavior.
- Expect them to know from your sighs, annoyance, and other indicators that they are doing something wrong. (They should know how to behave correctly!)
Okay. So let’s be realistic. No one, ever, in the whole history of the world, has responded well to someone else saying to them, “Hey, you suck. Please change now.” And certainly no one will ever get that message from eye-rolling or other passive-agressive behavior.
So how do you deal when that other person is just driving you crazy and making you angry? How do you respond when they say something totally crappy?
One of the greatest tools that I’ve learned (in addition to the Pause) is something called the Translation. Each time the other person speaks, you translate their remark into something that speaks to their highest good. You hear what their higher self truly wants out of your engagement – even though their words might not reflect it. Here are some examples:
Your coworker says, “Why did you do it like that?”
You hear: “You did it wrong. You’re such a screw up. You don’t know anything.”
The translation (what they would really say, if they could): “I’m worried about what my boss will say if everything isn’t perfect. I was hoping that you could help me to make a good impression, and I know that you’re awesome at your job. Could you help me with this? Oh, and I would like us to be on better terms because I like and respect you. ”
Your boss says, “The client really didn’t like your attitude on the phone with them.”
You hear: “You’re horrible at your job. You should never be allowed to speak with clients.”
The translation of her words (and I admit, this is super hard): “I get worried when the clients seem unhappy and I don’t have a ready answer. I also want you to be happy and fulfilled in your job, and to respond with kindness to all people. Can we work together to find a solution? What sounds best to you?”
Once you start hearing that translation, then you can respond in kind. In the above example, you might say, “I know you’re worried about me and the relationship with the client. I’d like to apologize in person to the client and walk through a way to alleviate their concerns.” And how much better does that feel?
I’ll admit: this translating stuff isn’t easy. In fact, I tell my clients that if you’ve mastered it, you’re a Zen Master. Even if you even manage it once per day, you’re doing really well.
Second secret: Job Crafting
Being happy in a job isn’t only about the other people, of course – though some days it might seem like managing your reactions to other people takes up the majority of your day. Part of having a career that you love is the actual “stuff” that you do. But you can pull more of what you love into your current job by doing something called job crafting. It’s been studied extensively by positive psychologists and is a key part of job satisfaction and happiness. So even if you are starting to explore other careers, you can still use job crafting to get all that you want out of your current role.
You could start by making a list of elements that you’re seeking out in a new career, and then look for ways to incorporate more of those things into your current role. For instance, if you’ve been wanting more responsibility, start to think about ways that you can lead others already. We most often think that we need a role change in order to get more responsibility, but are there other ways to lead. How about taking on a volunteer role (like teams or groups at work). Or could you teach a free class every Tuesday morning on a subject of interest?
But what about all of the stuff that I don’t like?
If there are tasks that you really don’t enjoy, would it be possible to do some role-sharing with others who do enjoy them? We always have options in what we do; no one is holding your hand over a fire and forcing you to do a TPS report, right? So while you may not like all of your options for changing your tasks, you do have choices.
Number #3: Just stop hating the hated stuff
Of course, one of the best ways to stop hating the task is to…stop hating the task. You’ll have to start by rooting out the thought that is beneath the grumbly emotion – usually something like “I’m not paid enough to do this. No one appreciates this. I don’t like doing this. It takes so long. Etc.”
What thought would feel better here? Once you find one that resonates for you, every time you hear those other, whiny little thoughts, replace it with the thought that you like. (More Zen Master stuff!)
Where have you practiced translating, job crafting, or thought-stopping in your job? How has it helped you?
