Who likes the hard sell?
Haven’t you been in that place where you seem to be having a perfectly pleasant interaction, but then you’re hit with a hard sell or something else that feels just “off”, and even if you accept the offer, you’re left with a bad taste in your mouth and a feeling of “well, shit, I didn’t really want that” and you end up either asking for your money back or otherwise discounting the offer.
And I certainly don’t ever want that feeling for my clients, potential clients, or anyone I meet.
But a few days ago, I got a little lesson in what it means to promote myself with my ego, versus what it means to share from a place of authenticity and giving, and I want to share (ahem) that with you (because of course I would want to share some really painful stuff on the internet!)
Here it is: I received some feedback that asking for a testimonial after a recent interaction was too much, too soon. (Okay, maybe it doesn’t sound that awful to you.)
But whoa – that really threw me for a loop.
Because I had been thinking about my own needs there. And it turns out, that turns people off. (Weird.)
That painful conversation really challenged me, because in the service industry, where we set our own prices and are constantly promoting our own worth, it’s hard to know the answers to questions like this:
- When am I promoting myself, and when is it all right to do so?
- Where is the line between being authentic and also not giving away my services?
Ego, worth and value are so hard to distinguish sometimes – and especially for all of us who don’t have that arrogant bone that makes us shout our worth from the roof tops, we have to be very careful to also not devalue our contribution and our work by giving it away too freely.
For me, stepping into that space of claiming how amazing the work that I do (it is amazing!) without attachment to a certain outcome is going to take more than just one day.
And in total honesty, I don’t have to have it all figured out right now.
I just have to keep deepening into the knowing that I have something to give and expressing myself in a real and honest fashion, knowing that I can and do offer beautiful support to women who are ready to move forward.
Providing value:
For instance, I love hosting small, informal meetup sessions here in Atlanta, and I ask for the participants’ email addresses on the sign up sheet.
I know that I am providing something of value – what is essentially a group coaching session and a place for everyone to be heard and seen– and in return, I get a chance to provide you with my blog/newsletter, which is also a space to announce my services.
I feel entirely comfortable with that level of reciprocity.
Are you giving it away for free?
Another instance: I offer a free twenty minute consultation to potential clients.
But the internet is full of admonitions to never give away anything for free, especially not your core product (f or me, that’s coaching).
On the other hand, I know that I wouldn’t want to enter into a very deep and meaningful relationship with another person (and your relationship with your coach should be one that is deep and real) without at least first talking to that person.
Is that the right approach? I don’t know. Check back in about two years.
What’s your intention?
Where I eventually ended up with all of this (the lesson, if you will) was to get very clear on my own intentions. And here are the questions that I came up with:
- What are my intentions around the interaction? If I do expect something in return, have I been entirely up front about my expectations with the other person?
- Is it pure, is it clear, is it transparent?
- Is it for your highest good and the highest good of the other person’s?
- Have I truly opened myself up to the highest good of each person? Can I go into the interaction with absolutely no specific intentions?
- Am I wearing my “coach” hat, or just my listening hat? (totally different)
- What is my value? What do I provide to others and expect to be paid for in return? What are my absolutes and where am I willing to wiggle a little?
- Have I clearly expressed my worth?
- Have I made an assumption about the other person instead of checking in and clarifying?
Does any of this ring true for you? How do you feel about “sales” and being sold to? How do claim your value and worth in the world? Would love to hear from you lovely people in the comments!
