Most of us Type A’ers find it pretty easy to get into that craptastic state of overwhelmed-ness, even if we aren’t currently in a high-stress career. I know lots of overwhelmed stay at home moms (and if you are scoffing at that, then borrow someone else’s kids for a week and make them three home-cooked meals per day.) So how do you stop being overwhelmed?
As most of you reading this already know, I’m not about to advocate going on a retreat (read about Why Retreats Don’t Work) or taking a week off of work, or even changing careers in order to get away from that feeling of being overwhelmed.
Unfortunately, overwhelmed is a state of mind, not an actual indicator of what’s going on around us. So even if you went on that retreat, you’d still have to find a way to deal when you got back.
How to get away from feeling overwhelmed?
It’s a two-part process. Getting away from that feeling requires work both in the moment, and it also requires a little bit of reflection. (I didn’t say it was easy!)
Choosing different thoughts in the moment:
That feeling of being overwhelmed comes from the thoughts in our head, and it usually looks something like this, “How am I going to get all of this done? I hate doing dishes. I need to be doing X, Y, and Z instead. Why doesn’t she help me with this? Where did those shoes come from? Why do my kids always put their crap on the ground? Why isn’t he more attentive? Who does she think she is?” (or your own personal version of that). Notice that it’s not actually about how torturous doing the dishes is. Because it’s not really about the task at hand, right?
As Eckhart Tolle says: there is no problem in the present moment. And what he means (yes, I’m paraphrasing Tolle) is that washing dishes isn’t the problem. It’s not torture for us to put our hands in the soapy water and bring out a clean pot. In fact, it could even be kind of relaxing.
But as soon as we put our thoughts into either the future or the past, putting judgment around what we’re actually doing or what’s really taking place, then we get into trouble.
Now here’s the breakthrough: we can change those thoughts that are going around in our heads. We have to first notice that they are only (!) thoughts, and that it’s an option to choose better ones, ones that feel better to us emotionally. And now you might be saying, “well sure, Erin, I can choose a different thought, but it still won’t be true. I still won’t like doing the damn dishes.”
So choose one that resonates with you. How about, “It’s soothing to me to do these dishes right now”? Or whatever changes the energy around doing the dishes and makes it okay for you to be present while doing the dishes. And then any time any of the old thoughts pop up – and they will – go back to the thought that resonates for you.
Visioning what you do want:
Part two of this is doing a little bit of reflection. When we’re not getting what we need in order to feel whole and complete each and every day, then we’re going to start to feel overwhelmed. And there are a lot of coaches out there that would ask you to make a list of all of your values and then see where there are things that you can give up. But I know that you’re not going to do that. Especially if you already feel overwhelmed.
So instead, I’m just going to ask you to do one thing. Something that makes you feel really, truly good.
What’s your best life:
It’s called visioning or scripting, and I do it on a daily basis. (It’s also called the Ideal Life exercise.) Visioning can really help you to see what’s most important to you. For instance, “having a clean house” probably isn’t on most people’s ideal life list, yet how many hours per day do we spend cleaning?
The more time that you can spend on deciding what you do want in life, the easier it is to start saying no to others’ expectations of you, as well as to your own list of “should’s”. You start to key in on what aligns with you and I’ll bet it doesn’t include sweeping the house!
Right. Now you’re saying “Well, who’s going to sweep, then? And who’s going to do those TPS reports that I hate doing but my boss needs every Friday? All of this visioning is well and good, but who’s going to take care of all of this in reality, if not me?”
But maybe you could choose not to sweep this week, in order to start work on that book you’ve always wanted to write or that new sculpture? Or maybe you could decide to have a talk with your boss about the TPS reports? Is there someone on your team who would love the opportunity to do them, or at least draft up the initial report?
Because everything that you believe is a necessity is actually…a choice. You might not like the outcome (i.e. staying home in your pajamas and not going to work might mean that you lose your job), but it’s still a choice.
So choose what aligns with you, each and every day, and see if that doesn’t change the overwhelming overwhelm.
*Now offering complementary 30 minute clarity and visioning sessions that help you move away from being overwhelmed and into joy.*
