How to Get Unstuck

I abhor the title of this blog. Why? Because words like “stuck” and “rut” and even “balance” are my pet peeves in the world of self-help. My inbox is continually popping with “Tips on How to Get Unstuck” and “Are You Stuck in a Rut” and “How to Find Balance”. Everyone is always using these concepts to sell this mythical place where we are magically unstuck, balanced, and moving forward with purpose and momentum.

The “When, Then” Fallacy:

But as some of you may suspect by now (if you read these blogs, and thank you if you do), all of those places are just another way for us to put our happiness and life’s purpose off into the future, a place where all of the stars align and unicorns dance on rainbows. Only in this place can we be happy and fulfill our dreams. “When my life is more balanced, then I’ll start on that book I’ve always wanted to write”, we tell ourselves. Or, “When I’m not stuck, then I’ll start to think about my marketing plan for my new business.” We’re probably even looking to someone (or something) outside of ourselves to help us to that place.

Seen any of these lately? No? Didn’t think so.

Yes, it’s awesome if you are already thinking about how to get unstuck or how to achieve balance, because that’s a step further than most people have gone, but I want to emphasize that none of these mythical places exist out there. There is only right now, and that Right Now may be messy or complicated or chaotic, or it may be serene and calm and full of bees gathering nectar from clovers, but either way, the time to start is now.

Take the first step. Any step.

So here’s what I want to say to you today, a saying that a friend and therapist taught me many years ago: motivation comes after action. And what that means is, stop waiting for balance or unstuck to come into your life before you take the first step. Stop waiting for anything, actually, before you take that first step.
Most of the time, we are so paralyzed by a fear of failure that we don’t make any decisions at all. And so instead of following our heart’s true desires, we allow this year to look the same as last year. Sure, we might have a new kid and a few more gray hairs, but we probably still haven’t said to ourselves:

Yes, this is it, today’s the day. I’m taking that first step. I’m declaring now that this is what I want to do. I’m starting to explore paths and options, going to take some art/French/pottery/architecture/writing/judo/meditation/web design classes, just because I want to. I’m going to start charging for that thing that I would give away for free to others. I’m going to find a new relationship with a man or woman who treats me with love and respect. I’m going to ask for more money, open up to new friendships, make time to work out, hire a life coach (!), because I deserve all that life has to offer.

And I’m not going to wait until I get to Balanced*And*Unstuck*Land before I do.
So my advice to you is to just pick something. Pick anything. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be that amazing next step that is going to make the heavens open up and shooting stars come out of your (ahem). Know that whatever that next step is, it is the right decision, because you made it for you. So today, choose the ability to fail. Choose the ability to make a mistake. Choose something, damn it, but choose for you, and for you alone.
And that, dear friends, is how you get unstuck.