Many cultures in the world have some version of Halloween, an All Hallow’s Eve, a night in which the limens are thin; the dead can walk and spirits can speak.
Think for a moment of all of the things that we use to symbolize Halloween: graves, skeletons, pieces of dead bodies, ghosts, witches, ghouls…all of these things are meant to represent the dead. They all speak to us about the finality of life.
And that’s why they freak us out so much. Because really, a skeleton is just a pile of calcium of phosphate. It’s not what it is, exactly, that’s creepy. Skeletons are freaky because they represent the idea that one day, we too will be nothing but bones in the ground.
We too will no longer think and walk and talk and love and laugh. And all of these things that we deemed so important while we were here – the big house, the nice car, the great job, the diplomas and certificates…everything that we’ve been striving for – poof! Gone.
Don Miguel Ruiz writes:
The angel of death comes to us and says , “You see everything that exists here is mine; it is not yours. Your house, your spouse, your children, your car, your career, your money – everything is mine and I can take it away when I want to, but now you can use it.”
Wow. Deep stuff.
So here’s what I take from the messages of the angel of death and those crazy skeletons:
Be present.
The emblems of the dead remind us that all of this is transient, so we need to focus on living for right now.
Great advice. But how do we do it? Being present means not judging ourselves. It means taking the time to pause before speaking. It means acknowledging and then loving the emotions that are currently there, no matter what’s coming up. It also means being grateful for what is occurring right now.
Ask yourself it it will matter when you’re dead.
No matter what someone else says or does to us, the skeletons remind us that none of it really needs to be taken too seriously. One trick I often use is asking myself if this is something that I will even remember five years from now.
When I’m spooling up over something has said or done (How could she? Doesn’t she know? Doesn’t he understand?), it also helps to realize that everything that everyone says is simply a reflection of their own state of mind and opinions, and not even directly related to me.
Let go of your story.
Just as the skeletons can remind us of the transiency of our physical bodies, they can also tell us how impermanent our view of ourselves really is. Who am I really, anyway? The Erin who sometimes yells at her kids, or the Erin who sings them lovingly to sleep? The Erin who is scared of the unknown, or the Erin who willingly embraces a new experience? I’m all of those things, so it doesn’t make sense to attach to words like “Bad mom/good mom” or “Fearful / Adventurous”.
The old story holds you back from all that you are. The story builds up an image in your mind that keeps you from recognizing your connection to everyone around you; the story makes you separate and different, instead of similar and whole. The story forces you to judge. And so the skeletons tell you to let it go, too.
We can choose connection and choose to embrace the life we have now. As Don Miguel Ruiz says: if we surrender to the angel of death we will be happy forever and ever.
Because you aren’t just a pile of skin and bones. You are an amazing, beautiful, wonderful being of light. Already. Just as you are. And I’m hoping that on this Halloween, you can take a moment to be fully present and to love all of you.
