3 Ways to Start Livin’ the Dream
This morning, I was listening to another coach talk about her epiphany moment – that moment that changed everything for her and she decided that she would no longer live the life she was living. And what prompted her epiphany was seeing a butterfly flitting around and thinking that the butterfly looked very happy. The butterfly didn’t have to worry about being old or being fat. And then she realized that the difference between her and the butterfly was that the butterfly had no fear. It could just be a butterfly and do its perfect butterfly thing.
Now, here is where I would normally roll my eyes if I were you and reading this. How many times has someone told us to “live without fear” or to “follow our heart” or to “follow our passion”? We know we’re supposed to “dance like no one’s watching”, but then we go right back to Facebooking and worrying about how we’re going to pay our next bill, and whether we can afford to leave the kids in gymnastics, and why isn’t the garbage disposal working, and how can I get Bobby to leave me alone at work so I can just finish this damn project.
Not exactly living without fear.
An amazing woman who I have the honor of coaching was telling me recently that she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life, but at the end of our session, she began to speak about what she really wants to do: this super cool profession or career that I’d never even known existed. Her face totally lit up and her whole posture and energy changed. It was so beautiful to watch.
So why is it so hard, even if we know what we want, to go after it? Exactly how do we conquer our fears of doing something that feels so different and large?
As all of you readers likely know, I’m a big fan of examining our thoughts. If we’re not where we want to be in life, it’s because of the thoughts that we give so much power in our minds. (And if you don’t believe me on the power of thoughts, please go out and read The Intention Experiment. Right now. Especially if you are a science and research-needing type person.) These are the thoughts that tell us that we’re not good enough to have what we truly want, not smart enough/accomplished enough/pretty enough, etc. Do you know what those thoughts are for you?
Once we see them, then we can start to switch them off. Cognitive behavioral therapists call this thought-stopping, and we can do it by recognizing that the thought that we’re having isn’t helping us, it’s only harming us, and then replacing that thought with something that resonates at a higher frequency (or to put it simply – just feels better when we think it).
Here’s an example:
My mind: Erin, you’ll never be a big-time thought leader with a waiting list for clients and sold-out auditoriums. Not when you don’t have all of the answers. Not when you still yell at your kids. (Occasionally! Really!)
My new thought: Whoa, hey, mind (or ego gremlin) – thanks for that input. I appreciate you and appreciate that you are feeling unloved right now, and I am holding you so close to my heart and giving you love. And now I release that feeling of not being enough and replace it with a thought that I find more pleasing:
I am doing all that I need to do in order to feel abundance and come back to a place of inner knowing. I am actively working on my business and building it from the place that I’m in, and I know that this is how my business will grow. I work on serving others and allowing for more joy in the world. (Take that, gremlin!)
Kristine Burke, the coach and author to whom I was listening, uses the phrase, “Instead of fear, I choose love,” and I like that one, too. Whatever works for you here is golden.
I do want to add that this is some of the hardest work there is. This is big-time Zen Buddhist master stuff – catching your thoughts and reframing them (or just letting them go in the Buddhist world) is the work of a life-time. But it gets easier. And easier.
Declaring It Big:
So, now that we’ve got all of our fearful thoughts conquered (it’s so easy, right?!), let’s add on. [Kind of like when the aerobics instructor says, “Hey, now that you’ve got the double-cross flyover mastered, let’s add the back handspring to that…]
Start speaking your dream. Start telling people what you intend, even if you’re not yet there. Here’s mine: I intend to be a thought leader in the mental health world, with best-selling books and sold-out workshops and speaking engagements across the globe (especially Europe – anyone who would like to send me to Europe to speak, my schedule is all yours.)
Get fierce about what you really intend in this life. No half-assing or downplaying based on what’s “realistic”. To put it a different way: F&*^ reality, and embrace your dream. (Maybe that should be my tagline.)
Gratitude for all that you already have:
Now let’s add the unassisted hand-stand to our work-out. Because I’m also asking you to be thankful for all of the beauty that’s already in your life, and I know that when you’re not seeing it, then it’s hard to get into that head-space. So as I talked about in What do You Want Most, start small. Try out being thankful for your car. Thankful for your supportive friends and family. Thankful for your cat, your dog, the four walls around you, the food on your table. And while it’s super awesome to have a gratitude practice (journaling, meditations, etc.), it’s also great to express gratitude, either silently or aloud, as you go about your day. I’ve been trying to be more grateful in the small moments of my day (thankful for the new plants in my garden, thankful for the cherry blossoms, thankful for my husband cleaning the dishes, etc.) and it makes such a profound difference.
Whew. Now that we’ve got all that down, there’s nothing stopping us!
I’m so grateful for all of you readers! Hoping you all find your fierce!!
